Category: Coma Imprisonment

FEBRUARY 15, 2027 · BY MATTHEW MCBRIDE The Coma Imprisonment has just passed a grim milestone. According to the best estimates of the International Coma Imprisonment Consortium (ICIC), the ten millionth Coma patient passed away sometime yesterday afternoon. Since August 8th, 2026, the Coma Imprisonment has struck down over 16

FEBRUARY 15, 2027 · BY PATRICK CHUNG Last week’s memorials of the August 8th, 2026 Barcelona terrorist attack were filled with a mixture of sorrow and hope. The lone victim of the near-massacre, Jennifer Talon, was remembered at a midnight vigil in her native hometown of Darning, located one hundred

FEBRUARY 15, 2027 · BY KIM YONG-NAM (SPECIAL CONTRIBUTION) The International Coma Imprisonment Consortium (ICIC) is gearing up for its first international meeting. The ICIC is an international organization consisting primarily of well-renowned scientists with the mandate to explain the Coma Imprisonment phenomenon that befell humanity on August 8th of

FEBRUARY 15, 2027 · BY VICTORIA SPARKS Yesterday afternoon Sheridan Kelly, the U.S. President, signed an executive order for further reductions in the cost of long-term care for Coma Imprisonment patients. The executive order is effective as of today. “The long-term care of those afflicted by the Coma Imprisonment must

FEBRUARY 15, 2027 · BY YVONNE KIM Megan Jang, like millions of others around the globe, is a Coma patient. On the afternoon of August 8th, 2026, the Coma Imprisonment struck her down, possibly to never regain consciousness again. Unlike the vast majority of Coma patients, Megan Jang is no murderer. Quite

FEBRUARY 15, 2027 · BY YURI GRIGOROV, SCIENCE EDITOR The Coma Trolley Car experiments remain shrouded in mystery. These illicit trials were allegedly performed one month ago in Cheyenne, Wyoming. These experiments were apparently designed to test the classic Trolley Car problem in the context of the Coma Imprisonment. The Trolley

FEBRUARY 15, 2027 · BY CHRISTIE STEPHANSON The murder-suicide phenomenon continues to cause tragic consequences around the world. Despite the onset of the Coma Imprisonment on August 8th, 2026, murder-suicide rates have increased in nearly every single nation in the world. It is well-known that it takes approximately one second

FEBRUARY 15, 2027 · BY CHRISTIE STEPHANSON Drunk driving is still a major killer on the nation’s roads and highways. The Federal Traffic and Highway Safety Commision (FTHSC) estimates that 9,543 deaths occurred in the six months after 8/8, the day the Coma Imprisonment befell humanity. This death rate is

FEBRUARY 15, 2027 · BY MATTHEW MCBRIDE Yesterday, Texas became the last state to abolish capital punishment. The newly elected Governor Rockwell Staite signed Bill 221 into law yesterday, making capital punishment in Texas a thing of the past. Governor Staite is a long-time proponent of capital punishment. His reversal

FEBRUARY 15, 2027 · BY MATTHEW MCBRIDE The booming market in electrical immobilization guns shows no sign of slowing down. Since August 8th of last year, the Coma Imprisonment forced law enforcement and military outfits worldwide to exchange their lethal firearms with non-lethal, electrical shock-based weaponry. If someone were to