UNEXPLAINED PHENOMENON SHOCKS THE WORLD
AUGUST 8, 2026 · BY MATTHEW MCBRIDE
An unprecedented phenomenon has befallen humanity.
This morning, at differing times, and in all major population centers around the world, millions of people have fallen unconscious. It appears that the common link among these people is that they have killed someone in the past or the immediate present.
A battle in Raqqa, Syria between Turkish militants and Syrian government forces was halted due to most of the combatants losing consciousness and dropping to the ground. An unnamed source in the Iraqi Insurgency has stated that the fighters that he knows that have been struck unconscious have had at least one kill during the war.
Prisons around the world are in an emergency medical situation as many of the inmates have fallen unconscious. Chicago’s Metropolitan Corrections Center has reported 562 inmates falling unconscious this morning. Our early investigation has revealed that all but three of these inmates have been convicted of murder, manslaughter, or death due to impaired driving.
In Barcelona, a near-miss mass shooting was prevented by this phenomenon earlier today. A man in his twenties opened fire at the La Boqueria marketplace, killing one woman before lapsing into unconsciousness. Reports are conflicted as to what exactly happened; however, one local man, Hugo Morena, confirmed that the shooter was knocked unconscious in the middle of his would-be rampage.
In Chicago, there are reports of at least five elderly people in care homes who have mysteriously lapsed into unconsciousness.
The President of the United States, Parker Rhodes, has been absent for comment as our White House correspondents have reported. The leaders of several governments are also unavailable for comment at this printing.
Early reports from around the world confirm the rapid spread of this phenomenon. The Daily Post and Register is the first media outlet in the world to state the cause of this unprecendented occurrence: those people who have killed another human being in the past or present are struck unconscious.
